How to Become a Boss Babe, Rule Three : Stop Comparing Yourself

Okay ladies, we’re three weeks into owning our business hustle, and this rule I’m about to share is one that I’m so passionate about that I’ve already written other blogs about it! Today, we’re gonna’ dive a little deeper and come away with some clear action steps, so read on! This is something I think we’ve all been guilty of at one time or another, and it can end up consuming our thoughts if we let it. Before we get into the nitty gritty, let’s recap our first two rules! (And if you’re new to this series, start out by reading why I’m sharing all my Rules for Becoming a Boss Babe).

Rule # 1: Find your passion

Rule # 2: They don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care

Both of these rules are so important at helping you find yourself, your passion, and your big reasons WHY—the fire that lights up within when you are spending your time doing what makes you feel truly alive. Building your business or improving your craft isn’t always easy, but I promise it will be so worth it!

Outfit Details: Madewell Muscle Tank, Corduroy Baseball Cap, STS Blue Jeans, Quay Sunglasses, Affirmation Bracelets

Last week I asked you to practice three things:

  1. Being curious
  2. Giving your time
  3. Showing compassion

It’s so easy to get caught up in the daily hustle, all of the activities, and never ending to-do lists, but I promise you, when you’re able to take a step back amidst all the busyness and take the time to truly care about another human being, it helps you achieve that connection and true authenticity not only within yourself, but within your relationships also, which can help translate into your business in so many ways. 

So let’s dive into this week’s Rule # 3!

Becoming a #BossBabe, Rule Three:

Comparison Is the Thief of Joy

My oh my this is so easy to do! How often have you been going along, minding your own business, perfectly content, and then you open social media. You scroll someone’s perfect pictures and see their perfect love story and their perfect kids, and you notice how clean their house is, and instead of feeling happy for them (even though deep down you probably are), you start to feel your own inadequacies and insecurities creeping in. I’ll be the first one to admit that I am guilty of this as well.

It’s human nature to compare—we all do it, and unless you get into the habit of noticing it and stopping it, you’ll keep doing it. You’ll also be miserable, since comparing your life to others’ lives really does suck the joy right out of pretty much everything. When you’re playing the comparison game, it all comes down to “better than” or “less than,” and it’s a game that no one wins.

This game shows up in so many areas of our lives! If you’re trying to lose weight and you start comparing yourself to someone who is losing more than you are or faster than you, you start to devalue your hard work and efforts. If you’re trying to get a business off the ground and compare it to someone else’s business, you start adopting strategies that don’t really work for what your goals are. If you’re married and you compare your spouse with someone else’s, suddenly your spouse seems like a Neanderthal. Compare your kids to someone else’s? Theirs will almost always seem angelic while yours are basically street urchins. We play the comparison game all the time and in all areas of our lives!

Part of what makes comparison so tricky is that the rules of the game aren’t fair. Think about it. You are comparing a small snapshot of someone’s life to your huge, gloriously messy home movie. When you see pictures of that clean and cute house, you don’t see the stack of dirty dishes or the stain on the rug that are both hiding right outside the frame. That cute family pic? 5 seconds later one of the kids is pulling the other’s hair, the baby just puked all over himself, and someone else is asking where babies come from. You get the idea. What we see in others is definitely not the whole picture. We are comparing our behind-the-scenes lives to their highlight reel, and it’s never going to be a fair comparison.

So, why play a game you’ll never win? Let’s put an end to the crazy-making of comparison, and let’s change the rules so we are always winning!

It honestly doesn’t matter what anyone around us is doing, it only matters what WE are doing.

Here are my go-to tactics when I find myself wanting to play the comparison game:

  • I remind myself that unless I know a person really well, I can’t accurately compare their “outsides” to my “insides.” Maybe you have experienced, as I have, the shock of finding out a couple is getting divorced when they appeared to be happy and solid. I always wish the best for people, and I also remember that I don’t really know what’s going on behind closed doors. Just because things look good on the surface, doesn’t mean they look good underneath.
  • I practice being grateful for what I have and all the amazing people in my life. There is so, so much good in my life, and while I am always working towards my goals, what I have right now is always enough and then some! Stopping and counting my blessings centers me and reminds me that I am enough.
  • I double down and refocus my efforts on the things that are important to me: my family, my business, and my mission. Putting my focus back on my goals and the things I can control puts me back in the driver’s seat.

It’s just like my dad always told me: “Heidi, just stay in your own damn lane.” Think about it, friends. If you’re so busy looking at the car next to you, you’re going to swerve and crash. We start focusing so much on what other people are doing that we end up losing sight of our end goal. We end up confusing ourselves over what is really important that we destroy our overall mission, whatever it may be. 

I am standing firm in saying that true transformation and true success are created when you stay true to yourself! 

For this week’s challenge, I want you to do 3 things:

1. Practice noticing when you are playing the comparison game. You can tell if you’re playing it because you’ll probably be feeling envious or like you’re not enough. Just start tuning into what you’re doing or where you are when that happens.
2. Write down your comparison triggers. Good places to start looking are social media. I know for me personally, Pinterest can be a dangerous place! 
3. Start consciously choosing one of my tactics above (or one of your own!) to stop playing the comparison game.  Write that down too!

The purpose of the action items this week is to cultivate awareness about how comparison is affecting you. Once you have a clear idea of what you’re dealing with, then you can purposefully choose how you’ll deal with it. That’s a game you can win every single time!

I want to hear from you! What do you do when that sneaky comparison thief starts creeping up? How do you stay out of that game so you can stay true to you?

xo,

Heidi

Related reading:

How to Become a #BossBabe <3 || Step One
How to Become a Boss Babe, Rule One: Turn Your Passion into a Career
How to Become a Boss Babe, Rule Two: Do It with Heart
I am (still) Perfect…
It Really Is All About the Promise
How SMART Are Your Goals?


1 Comment

  1. Laura Eells - October 14, 2018

    Thank you Heidi-I’m reposting this blog on my Social Media because you are spot on here about Comparison being the thief of joy & Social Media being the “drug dealer” so to speak. As awesome as it is to stay connected with everyone we ever knew in our lives, there is a bit of unhealthy comparison with this ability as well. I have been experiencing the Comparison demon recently and this blog was timely-like your dad said, “I need to stay in my own damn lane”. Thank you for the reminder 👍

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