Ladies, it’s time we had a talk. Not THE talk, but you’ll definitely need to have had THAT talk before we have THIS talk. It’s a subject that gets joked about, glamorized, and sensationalized, but it’s rarely treated with the sincere power it’s capable of. I’m talking about sex. More specifically, it’s time we had a talk about how much sex you and your significant other are having. A little too personal? Trust me, I agree, and if this wasn’t a subject I felt extremely passionate about, I wouldn’t bring it up.
But truly, sex saved my marriage, and I am willing to bet it could save (or improve!) yours too.
About a year ago, Chris and I sat stoic with bleary, red eyes, completely speechless in the parking lot of a divorce attorney’s office. Seriously. We had spent months completely at each other’s throats, years of the same arguments again and again had turned our hearts cold, and the idea of staying together was seemingly impossible. We sat and stared at each other completely in awe of what we were about to do. And then we had an idea.
A couple weeks prior to us landing in the parking lot of the attorney’s office, we confided in a close friend about our challenges. Between working together, raising children together, and watching our dreams grow and then plummet then begin to grow again, Chris and I had almost ZERO feelings of love and romance for each other left. Sure we loved each other, but is that the same as being in love? No, it’s not.
And truth be told, we BOTH needed to feel loved again, and the idea that it could ever come from each other again was unfathomable. Our friend shared a challenge he and his wife took on during a similar rut in their romance, and he raved about how it healed years old wounds, rekindled a fire they thought had long died out, and turned them from near enemies to best friends.
So what’s the magic challenge? It’s simple: Have sex every. single. day. for 30 days.
I know what you’re thinking, because trust me, I thought alllll the same things. Seriously? How could sex save my marriage? What if I’m too tired? Or sick? Sex is great, but THIRTY days straight? I don’t think we can do that. But then we tried it.
Prior to the challenge, I had very little hope that anything, let alone what goes on between the sheets, could keep Chris and me together, but I am here to say it transformed our marriage. The first few days were business as usual? we hadn’t fought much those days so sex didn’t seem like a terrible idea.
By day 6, though, Chris and I were in the midst of one our infamous knock out, drag down fights. I didn’t even want to LOOK at him, let alone be intimate with him. I walked into our bedroom and declared, “The challenge is over, there’s no point.” And Chris, being a man truer to his integrity than anyone else on earth, said, “No, we made a commitment, and we’re sticking to it.” And so we did. Guys, without divulging too many details (because, ahem, awkward), we went from hating each other’s guts to laughing hysterically, cuddling, and feeling those same warm feelings that we felt many moons ago when we were first dating.
The challenge continued another 24 days with plenty of arguments, hurt feelings, and negative thoughts along the way. However, the next 24 days were also filled with more flirting, quick kisses, silly teases, and friendly moments than we had shared in months…maybe even years. Somewhere along the way, our marriage shifted from business partner-based to best friends who were lucky enough to have sleepovers every single night.
And was it the sex that did it? Maybe partially. But what I believe really changed us was our dedication to spending even 20 minutes every single day completely focused on each other. Despite the good, the bad, and the ugly of the day, despite busy schedules and hurt feelings, we knew that nightly we were going to have the opportunity to put everything aside and just be in love?something Chris and I had never prioritized quite like that before. It gave us silly moments and ones filled with passion, and it allowed us to open up and spend time cuddled up and chatting, an almost extinct act between us previously. The 30 day challenge may have been based on sex, but what we gained from it had nothing to do with sex at all. The 30 day challenge gave us our love back, and in turn, our marriage.
Now, it’s your turn. Whether you’re a newlywed or nearing divorce, I have no doubt in my mind that committing to and completing the 30 day sex challenge can and will improve your feelings of sincere love for your spouse. Now, is it a guaranteed fix for every marital woe? Of course not! But I truly believe in the healing power of this commitment to your loved one. So give it a try and report back. Of course, spare the gory details, 😉 but I want to know if it works for you! Did the 30 Day Sex Challenge save your marriage too? Help it? Hurt it? Let me know!
xo,
Heidi
Related reading:
6 Ways to Spend Valentine?s With Your (My) Swolemate
5 Years of (Mostly) Wedded Bliss + How We Met Vid!
Feel the Love?and the Burn! || Ultimate Couple?s Workout
Giving Love to Others
40 for my 40 year old || Why Chris Powell is the Greatest Man on Earth
154 Responses
This didn?t age well.
IF YOU ARE PASSING THROUGH RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM, AND YOU NEED HIS ASSISTANCE, CONTACT_________________ROBINSON.BUCKLER ((@YAHOO.)) COM…….
I plan on getting more comfortable in my skin by looking in the mirror each day and naming one thing that I truly love about myself. I will write it on a sticky note and stick it on my bathroom mirror. Each day I will review/read each sticky note to remind myself of what makes me a good and beautiful human.
Ever since my husband left me my love life was in a mess. And i always through and wish we were together and that he would come back to my life and our love could stay endless. I wanted to fight this war of love without weapons, but then i realize that he has fully made up his mind against me. He no longer call nor text me, i stay up through the whole night all alone without him to talk with. I was ready to walk through hell to save and restore peace back to my marriage. I finally thank God and the whole universe for sending.
So happy to read this article and the comments so many have shared. I am approaching my 20th wedding anniversary and struggling around intimacy. I have always loved sex and been comfortable where my husband is challenged. Some of his struggles have been around being sexually abused as a child. We have had many marriage struggles over the years but three years ago my husband admitted to being unfaithful. I was crushed as he explained how he wanted to blow things up then realized that he didn’t want that. We went to counseling and tried to find our way back. I worked on forgiving but he seemed unmotivated to work on our intimacy issues. We are best friends and everyone is always complimenting our relationship…if they only knew how we are struggling. So, today I told him for our 20th anniversary I would like 20 days of sex and he said YES! So, wish me luck!! Maybe we will find our way back.
Leah, how did it turn out? Did the 20 days of sex help your marriage? Your story is identical to ours, except the roles are reversed. My wife sounds like your husband, even down to the past sexual abuse, unfaithfulness 3 years ago, and the lack of motivation to work on our intimacy issues! Like you, I?m the one who enjoys sex. She does not desire sex with me, and she does not even get aroused while we are having sex. I try so hard to love and provide for her needs outside the bedroom and to pleasure her in the bedroom, but he just feels bothered when I touch her instead of aroused. When I discovered her unfaithfulness right after our 20th anniversary, we tried counseling, but nothing has helped. I?d love to know if this Sex Challenge worked for your marriage, and/or what else worked for you and your husband!
I wish it were this easy. We’ve been married 33 years, and between my RN shifts at night, 4 kids, and my husband’s job (military and civilian traveling 4 days/week) we rarely even got to go to bed together. We used to go away at least 1 weekend/month to reconnect. But now I am my mother’s full time caregiver in her home, and he lives 3 hours away at our house. He visits when he can, but we can’t really have privacy because I have to listen out for mom. We love each other and are committed, but my biggest problem if we do get a night away is just RELAXING. We’re getting ready to move back together, but his job still keeps him away all week. It feels like we’re just trying to reconnect and deal with life when we do see each other. There’s plenty of hand-holding and hugs etc. but with zero privacy, this is worse than when our kids were little. Did I mention menopause?? I need some ideas about how to even get back to feeling anything other than tired and pushed down with responsibility.
Hi Lynne: Thank you for your comment and for sharing what you’re going through. You’re both definitely dealing with a lot. It sounds like you’re both trying to make the best of a tough situation. Is there someone who could visit with your mom for a few hours here and there so you can both get some away time both now and when you’re back to living together? And are you able to get some time for yourself (again, maybe someone can visit with your mom for a bit so you can do this)? That can help you feel better about yourself, which can then translate into your relationship. Those are just some ideas, and I hope they can help. We wish you both all the best, and we hope you can find some things (even some little things) to help this difficult situation.
My husband and I had sex 3 nights in a roll. Not because of any kind of challenge though, I’m just now researching if sex can revive a dying relationship/marriage. And I came across your article about this challenge. I will say that since we been having sex every night, our daytime encounters are peaceful and pleasant. He’s holding my hand while we’re watching TV together. He’s saying “I love you” again and so am I. And although somewhat predictable, we are both really enjoying are sessions more than the usual once every two weeks sessions. I hope we can continue to have sex everyday for as long as this streak lasts. Hopefully longer than a month.
Thank you for this post.
I am hoping to find more information on this post and challenge. Have followed you for years! I am from Utah and my family moved to Phoenix 10 weeks ago. We are ?happy? but our marriage has seen its rough spots. I think this challenge could help us. We are beyond cold to each other at times and sadly that is showing in our sons anxiety and related behavior. We sure love it here in Arizona but want to feel more love between us as a couple. Help. Please.
Been married 30 years, once I hit menopause the sex stopped because I mentioned it hurt like razor blades. Being a living husband he stopped having sex. We haven?t had it for a about 11 years. Now neither of us try. And too embarrassing to try again.
Cathy, you should try listening to the podcast Sex with Emily or just visit sexwithemily.com. She is fantastic and talks about everything. I’m not sure how I stumbled upon her but I have my husband listening now because she says things I never would, has great ideas and it’s educational. And, it normalizes talk around pleasure, intimacy and sex.
Cathy, ask your gynecologist about the Mona Lisa Touch therapy!
This happened to me and after going to my Gyn I learned that 15% of women in menopause have this thing called vaginal atrophy. It was confusing to me as I did not have issues with lubrication or even arousal. But it was excruciatingly painful and it had never been. The walls of the vagina get paper thin – I used a Premarin cream (like a suppository) for 60 days to rebuild the walls of my vagine and the pain is gone.
Thank you for sharing. I just brought this to my husband to try it out. We’ve been married for 5 months and having issues with closeness and knowing how to love each other. We read the 5 love languages it did help us to understand each other. And now I believe this challenge will take our relationship to another level.
Wow… Every time i see You and Chris are smiling all the time and looks like you really happy and having fun.
Im really surprised by this divorce idea between you and it makes me feel as…. Some of thosr smiles were fake ??
Me and my wife been together 18 years married for 10. My wife is now 5.5 years cervical cancer free and we have marriage problems along with dealing with her mood swings now on HRT at 37 and No physical intermency. But thank you who would of thought you and Sir Chris Powell having problems.
It must not have been easy making the decision to share your story with the world and respect the amount of courage it would have taken both of you.
Social media mostly seems to show the picture perfect life or relationship, so thank you so much for posting this.
Honestly, this is something I needed to see cause hopefully this can help my new marriage. We are best friends but the intimacy has gone for a number of reasons. If we can set aside our insecurities, differences and stubbornness and just spend time each day together it might be able to save our marriage.
Thank you again!!