Ladies, it’s time we had a talk. Not THE talk, but you’ll definitely need to have had THAT talk before we have THIS talk. It’s a subject that gets joked about, glamorized, and sensationalized, but it’s rarely treated with the sincere power it’s capable of. I’m talking about sex. More specifically, it’s time we had a talk about how much sex you and your significant other are having. A little too personal? Trust me, I agree, and if this wasn’t a subject I felt extremely passionate about, I wouldn’t bring it up.
But truly, sex saved my marriage, and I am willing to bet it could save (or improve!) yours too.
About a year ago, Chris and I sat stoic with bleary, red eyes, completely speechless in the parking lot of a divorce attorney’s office. Seriously. We had spent months completely at each other’s throats, years of the same arguments again and again had turned our hearts cold, and the idea of staying together was seemingly impossible. We sat and stared at each other completely in awe of what we were about to do. And then we had an idea.
A couple weeks prior to us landing in the parking lot of the attorney’s office, we confided in a close friend about our challenges. Between working together, raising children together, and watching our dreams grow and then plummet then begin to grow again, Chris and I had almost ZERO feelings of love and romance for each other left. Sure we loved each other, but is that the same as being in love? No, it’s not.
And truth be told, we BOTH needed to feel loved again, and the idea that it could ever come from each other again was unfathomable. Our friend shared a challenge he and his wife took on during a similar rut in their romance, and he raved about how it healed years old wounds, rekindled a fire they thought had long died out, and turned them from near enemies to best friends.
So what’s the magic challenge? It’s simple: Have sex every. single. day. for 30 days.
I know what you’re thinking, because trust me, I thought alllll the same things. Seriously? How could sex save my marriage? What if I’m too tired? Or sick? Sex is great, but THIRTY days straight? I don’t think we can do that. But then we tried it.
Prior to the challenge, I had very little hope that anything, let alone what goes on between the sheets, could keep Chris and me together, but I am here to say it transformed our marriage. The first few days were business as usual— we hadn’t fought much those days so sex didn’t seem like a terrible idea.
By day 6, though, Chris and I were in the midst of one our infamous knock out, drag down fights. I didn’t even want to LOOK at him, let alone be intimate with him. I walked into our bedroom and declared, “The challenge is over, there’s no point.” And Chris, being a man truer to his integrity than anyone else on earth, said, “No, we made a commitment, and we’re sticking to it.” And so we did. Guys, without divulging too many details (because, ahem, awkward), we went from hating each other’s guts to laughing hysterically, cuddling, and feeling those same warm feelings that we felt many moons ago when we were first dating.
The challenge continued another 24 days with plenty of arguments, hurt feelings, and negative thoughts along the way. However, the next 24 days were also filled with more flirting, quick kisses, silly teases, and friendly moments than we had shared in months…maybe even years. Somewhere along the way, our marriage shifted from business partner-based to best friends who were lucky enough to have sleepovers every single night.
And was it the sex that did it? Maybe partially. But what I believe really changed us was our dedication to spending even 20 minutes every single day completely focused on each other. Despite the good, the bad, and the ugly of the day, despite busy schedules and hurt feelings, we knew that nightly we were going to have the opportunity to put everything aside and just be in love—something Chris and I had never prioritized quite like that before. It gave us silly moments and ones filled with passion, and it allowed us to open up and spend time cuddled up and chatting, an almost extinct act between us previously. The 30 day challenge may have been based on sex, but what we gained from it had nothing to do with sex at all. The 30 day challenge gave us our love back, and in turn, our marriage.
Now, it’s your turn. Whether you’re a newlywed or nearing divorce, I have no doubt in my mind that committing to and completing the 30 day sex challenge can and will improve your feelings of sincere love for your spouse. Now, is it a guaranteed fix for every marital woe? Of course not! But I truly believe in the healing power of this commitment to your loved one. So give it a try and report back. Of course, spare the gory details, 😉 but I want to know if it works for you! Did the 30 Day Sex Challenge save your marriage too? Help it? Hurt it? Let me know!
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