How Sex Saved My Marriage: The 30 Day Challenge

Ladies, it’s time we had a talk. Not THE talk, but you’ll definitely need to have had THAT talk before we have THIS talk. It’s a subject that gets joked about, glamorized, and sensationalized, but it’s rarely treated with the sincere power it’s capable of. I’m talking about sex. More specifically, it’s time we had a talk about how much sex you and your significant other are having. A little too personal? Trust me, I agree, and if this wasn’t a subject I felt extremely passionate about, I wouldn’t bring it up.

But truly, sex saved my marriage, and I am willing to bet it could save (or improve!) yours too.

About a year ago, Chris and I sat stoic with bleary, red eyes, completely speechless in the parking lot of a divorce attorney’s office. Seriously. We had spent months completely at each other’s throats, years of the same arguments again and again had turned our hearts cold, and the idea of staying together was seemingly impossible. We sat and stared at each other completely in awe of what we were about to do. And then we had an idea.

A couple weeks prior to us landing in the parking lot of the attorney’s office, we confided in a close friend about our challenges. Between working together, raising children together, and watching our dreams grow and then plummet then begin to grow again, Chris and I had almost ZERO feelings of love and romance for each other left. Sure we loved each other, but is that the same as being in love? No, it’s not.

And truth be told, we BOTH needed to feel loved again, and the idea that it could ever come from each other again was unfathomable. Our friend shared a challenge he and his wife took on during a similar rut in their romance, and he raved about how it healed years old wounds, rekindled a fire they thought had long died out, and turned them from near enemies to best friends.

So what’s the magic challenge? It’s simple: Have sex every. single. day. for 30 days.

I know what you’re thinking, because trust me, I thought alllll the same things. Seriously? How could sex save my marriage? What if I’m too tired? Or sick? Sex is great, but THIRTY days straight? I don’t think we can do that. But then we tried it.

Prior to the challenge, I had very little hope that anything, let alone what goes on between the sheets, could keep Chris and me together, but I am here to say it transformed our marriage. The first few days were business as usual? we hadn’t fought much those days so sex didn’t seem like a terrible idea.

By day 6, though, Chris and I were in the midst of one our infamous knock out, drag down fights. I didn’t even want to LOOK at him, let alone be intimate with him. I walked into our bedroom and declared, “The challenge is over, there’s no point.” And Chris, being a man truer to his integrity than anyone else on earth, said, “No, we made a commitment, and we’re sticking to it.” And so we did. Guys, without divulging too many details (because, ahem, awkward), we went from hating each other’s guts to laughing hysterically, cuddling, and feeling those same warm feelings that we felt many moons ago when we were first dating.

The challenge continued another 24 days with plenty of arguments, hurt feelings, and negative thoughts along the way. However, the next 24 days were also filled with more flirting, quick kisses, silly teases, and friendly moments than we had shared in months…maybe even years. Somewhere along the way, our marriage shifted from business partner-based to best friends who were lucky enough to have sleepovers every single night.

And was it the sex that did it? Maybe partially. But what I believe really changed us was our dedication to spending even 20 minutes every single day completely focused on each other. Despite the good, the bad, and the ugly of the day, despite busy schedules and hurt feelings, we knew that nightly we were going to have the opportunity to put everything aside and just be in love?something Chris and I had never prioritized quite like that before. It gave us silly moments and ones filled with passion, and it allowed us to open up and spend time cuddled up and chatting, an almost extinct act between us previously. The 30 day challenge may have been based on sex, but what we gained from it had nothing to do with sex at all. The 30 day challenge gave us our love back, and in turn, our marriage.

Now, it’s your turn. Whether you’re a newlywed or nearing divorce, I have no doubt in my mind that committing to and completing the 30 day sex challenge can and will improve your feelings of sincere love for your spouse. Now, is it a guaranteed fix for every marital woe? Of course not! But I truly believe in the healing power of this commitment to your loved one. So give it a try and report back. Of course, spare the gory details, 😉 but I want to know if it works for you! Did the 30 Day Sex Challenge save your marriage too? Help it? Hurt it? Let me know!



Related reading:

6 Ways to Spend Valentine?s With Your (My) Swolemate
5 Years of (Mostly) Wedded Bliss + How We Met Vid!
Feel the Love?and the Burn! || Ultimate Couple?s Workout
Giving Love to Others
40 for my 40 year old || Why Chris Powell is the Greatest Man on Earth

154 Responses

  1. My husband and I have been together 40 years! At about 20 years, after 4 kids and all of life?s challenges, we almost fell apart. We began counseling and after about a year we were better than ever. The love we share now is so real, so fun and so deep! Don?t give up people!! Fight for your relationships!!! The work is humbling and difficult, but so worth it!!! You will emerge with a love few ever know!!!! I?m praying for all that have commented here!!!

  2. I love this so much. We don?t have sex enough, but DANG, when we do, we?re both totally different people: More patient with each other and our kids, more affectionate, happier, more optimistic. Clearly we need to try this to being the good moods on more often!

  3. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing this! I am crying while reading this, so I think it?s time to give my marriage the boost it so desperately needs, and try this before it?s too late. <3

    1. I can fully agree with the ED. Recently my husband went gluten free and it has helped with his ED significantly. Maybe it?s something he can try.

    2. It could be he is too embarrassed to seek help for it because he is feeling he is too young to have Ed issues and that he is less of a man because of it. Maybe extra reassurance that it’s ok, and that your behind him every step of the way… You can also try other ways of being intimate.. I hope things get better for you

    3. Right there with you. I?m 47 and have been married for 13 years now and for the last 6 years or so, it?s been MAYBE once a year? So by definition, a ?sexless marriage?. And it doesn?t matter how many times you are told not to take it personally, it feels like a rejection every single time. It starts to hurt enough to keep you from even bringing up the subject. It?s easier to just tell yourself ?Well, I guess this is what marriage looks like after so many years.? You?re the only one who can decide if you?re willing to live without passion/physical intimacy. Just know you?re not alone.

    4. Does your husband take medicine for it? If not encourage him to go , believe me you both will be happy he did. My husband has it but with the meds we are still able to have a good sex life.

  4. Thank you so much for sharing this! I am divorced now and looking back I wonder if doing something like this challenge would have helped! Being intimate breaks down barriers and allows trust to be built .. it forces us to let go and be vulnerable.. I just appreciate your realness so much! I believe Your openness about this is going to help a lot of marriages!

  5. I?m right there, a 22 year marriage on the verge of divorce, we havent even had sex but maybe 3 times this past year. Hanging on only because our kids and our commitment. I?m going to give it a shot, despite my resentment , I?m going to commit to this challenge.

    Thank you for being so transparent, I?ll let you know how it goes .

    30 days…..I can do this….?…wish me luck. ?

  6. My Mom told me when I got married 17 years ago… that a man feels loved when his penis is loved and a woman feels loved when you cuddke with her. I l can’t believe how true that is.
    Having said that we have been through our toughest years this last two years and I’d forgotten it. I felt like I don’t owe him that

    Thanks for the reminder. “choose your love, love your choice” 🙂

  7. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years now. We are finally moving in with each other tomorrow. We both work a lot and are exhausted when we get home. We have before stayed with each other for 3 weeks and maybe one time we slept together. Last week we went on vacation and I told him that we need to keep our sex lives going strong or else I fear the magic we have will die. He agreed. We had sex 6 out of the 7 days we were away and I can tell you that we have never felt closer. Even with the stress of moving that we have. He?s my best friend. I?m going to try this challenge when we need it. I know it works! Thanks for being a couple to admire.

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