Seeing others struggle, no matter what they’re struggling with, is tough. Super tough. Especially when the person who is struggling is a friend or family member. We love those closest to us, and we want them to be happy and successful in all areas of their lives.
I’ve seen a lot of people struggle with weight loss in my years and years of experience in the transformation world. I’ve seen them lose weight, gain it back, lose it again, and gain even more back. I’ve done all I physically and mentally could do to help and support them. Believe me, if there was a magic button I could’ve pushed and all that extra weight and the baggage that comes with it would disappear (because extra weight is heavy in more than just pounds!), it would’ve been so tempting to push that button.
But…and this is a HUGE BUT…the worst thing I could do for someone I love is push that button and make the changes for them. Why? Because there is no magic button, and I’d be doing them a huge disservice if I took the opportunity and growth and experience away from them that they’d gain going through the journey of transformation. And to be honest, that magic button change would be short-term. We respect and honor and protect the things we work hard for. Including, and especially, weight loss.
Here’s the deal: Change, no matter the type of change, has to come from a desire within the person who wants or needs to make that change. You cannot make someone else change. You cannot do the work to change for them. And that realization can be tough, especially when you see others struggling, even to the point of putting their health and their lives at risk.
The change—any change—has to come from them. They’re the only ones who can decide to change and then take the steps to change. But…you can support them through the changes they’re making. And that’s an important part to play in their transformation! According to the Mayo Clinic, the support of friends and family members can be a key to long-term weight loss success.
Accountability is key to transformation and achieving any goal. Learn more here.
What does the process of change look like?
So, to better equip you to help those you love achieve their transformation goals, let’s break down what the process of change looks like, otherwise known as The Transtheoretical Model, or more commonly known as The Stages of Change:
- Stage 1. Precontemplation: Don’t think a change is needed.
- Stage 2. Contemplation: Starting to consider change, but not quite ready to commit to change.
- Stage 3. Preparation: Preparing to change, maybe even making steps towards change (researching workout and/or nutrition plans, starting to work out, starting to eat more healthily, etc.). This step can often be triggered by a scary health experience or diagnosis.
- Stage 4. Action: Regularly engaging in activities to promote change (workout out and/or nutrition plan adherence) for 3-6 months. Putting plans in place to combat any roadblocks that might come up.
- Stage 5. Maintenance: Regularly engaging in the activities to promote change (workout out and/or nutrition plan adherence) for more than six months. Able to successfully navigate any roadblocks and potential relapses.
Why do I share The Stages of Change? It’s important for both you and the person who wants to change to understand which stage they’re in right now because someone who doesn’t think they need to change and someone who is preparing to change are in two totally different spaces and mindsets.
Think of a goal you want to accomplish: What stage of change are you in right now?
Top tips to help someone you love lose weight for good
While you can’t make a change for someone else, you can be helpful on their journey, so here are six tips you can put into place today to help someone you love lose that weight for good.
Tip #1. Remember: This is their goal, not your goal. The way you go about achieving a goal, especially a transformation-related goal, might be different from what will work for them or from the steps they want to take to achieve their goal. Offer suggestions when asked, but realize that your suggestions might be implemented or ignored. And both are okay!
Tip #2. Cheer, don’t coach. This tip goes along with tip #1. Embarking on a transformation journey can be overwhelming and frustrating with so many things to learn and do. So, the last thing your loved one needs is another person, especially someone close to them, continually suggesting things for them to do and try. Your role is to cheer them on, notice and congratulate them on every single small win, and keep telling them they CAN do this!
Tip #3. Meet them where they’re at right now. You can’t force someone out of the stage of change they’re in. It just won’t work. So, understand where they are, support them as much as you can, and they’ll progress on their transformation path in the way that’s best for them.
Tip #4. Encourage baby steps. It’s going to be so tempting to them to want to hit all their workouts and nutrition plan perfectly, but this is a recipe for disaster. Instead, encourage them to take on just one new thing at a time so they can develop healthy habits and experience long-term results—results that will stick. Research backs this up:
- Take on 1 new thing at a time = 80% chance for success.
- Take on 2 new things at a time = 35% chance for success.
- Take on 3+ new things at a time = 3% chance for success.
Tip #5. Help them build integrity. Integrity, especially personal integrity, is THE key to achieving any goal, but especially where weight loss is concerned. When you do what you say you’re going to do, when you say you’re going to do it, no matter what, the results WILL come. And that’s a promise! In fact, this is the first step I take with every single client I work with. How do you help someone build integrity? Through a little thing I call a Power Promise. A Power Promise is a promise you make to yourself, and this promise is so simple that you can do it every time, no matter what. When it comes to helping your loved one make their first Power Promise, this promise doesn’t even have to be transformation-related. The important thing is to slowly help them build their self-confidence and personal integrity and get them winning right from the beginning.
Learn more about Power Promises + Integrity here.
Tip #6. Ask them how you can best support them, then do that. Whether it’s through frequent check-ins, less frequent check-ins, whatever type of check-in works best for them (phone, text, etc.)…, it’s all about doing whatever they feel will work best for them. Their perspective of support might be different than yours or someone else’s. Remember: Weight loss—or any type of goal—has a learning curve, and your friend or family member is on that learning curve. Allow them the space to learn and grow.
Transformation is hard. Watching someone you love struggle to transform their lives, especially when it comes to losing weight, is hard. It’s our natural inclination to want to jump in and try and do the work for them. Don’t do that. Instead, use the tips I’ve shared, and not only will you be able to support them along their transformation journey, but I bet that relationship will grow even stronger!
xo,
Related reading:
Build a life you love: Set Goals + Achieve Them
How to Build Momentum, Accomplish Your Goals, + Create a Life You LOVE!
How to Beat the Odds and Actually Finish Your Goals | Jon Acuff
Consistency Is Key: How to Make Your Fitness Goals a Reality
How SMART Are Your Goals?
190 Responses
Hello Heidi and Chris.
I am writing you because my dad is obese and not healthy he has a hard time breath I try to talk to him about it I want him to be able to be there to walk me down the isle and be there for when I have grandchildren. AND I’m trying to eat healthy and exercise more but it’s so hard eating healthy all I eat is junk food 🙁 can you help me eat more fruits and vegetables and less junk food 🙂
Sincerely,
Cheyenne
Hi Cheyenne: Here’s a post that outlines Chris and Heidi’s carb cycling program, and you and your dad can both use these tools to achieve your transformation goals: https://heidipowell.net/9060. And be sure and follow all the links within the post too. You both can do this!
Dear Heidi and Chris,
I understand you guys live I. The USA and I love watching your show. I am writing this because just recently my mom had a mini heart attack and is now a full blown diabetic. She is asthmatic and also has sever fibromyalgia. She is 65 yrs old and only 4’11”. She now weighs almost 200 lbs.
I am worried about her because as much as I know she is trying I’m afraid if she keeps going the way she is I’m gonna lose my mother and my sons their grandmother. So if you have any advice or tips I could give her to help her or know of any where in Barrie Ontario Canada that offers help it would be very appreciated because I’m not ready to say good bye to my mom anytime soon.
Thank you,
Lisa
Hi Lisa: Thank you for your post and for telling us about your mom. She can get all the steps she needs to begin her transformation journey in this post: https://heidipowell.net/9060. And it would be best if she discusses this program (or any nutrition and exercise program) with her healthcare team first and then follows any modifications they might recommend. She can do this!
To whom it may concern,
My niece Brienne is 26 years old and currently teaches Special Education Children for a elementary School she has been battling weight issues all her life and is very beautiful inside and out. She is very unhappy with her weight and has recently told her family that she is going to get the gastric sleeve performed in Tijuana Mexico on March 24, 2016 (2 weeks from today). She has put down a five hundred dollar deposit and has taken a loan for her and her mother to fly down to Mexico to get this operation during her spring break. I feel this operation is not as easy as she thinks it is going to be and could possibly lead to her death. Can you help? She does not know that I am emailing asking for help. I just feel that extreme makeover could possibly help without her taking drastic steps that could lead to a bad outcome.
Hi Greg: Thank you for sharing your niece’s story with us. Unfortunately, casting for “Extreme Weight Loss” is currently closed. Here’s a link to Chris and Heidi’s carb cycling program, and it’s the same program they use on the show: https://heidipowell.net/9060. It has helped many people achieve their transformation goals, and it might be an option for your niece if she is interested. She’s so blessed to have such a caring uncle!
Wanted to say me and the wife are huge fans of the show and the both of you. We live in Peoria ,AZ and I have struggled with my weight for my entire life. I am 39 years old and last weighed in at 308, I have been a police officer for 18 years now and have three kids two of them being twins of 4 years old. I was wondering if there was anything local you guys put on to help out with weight loss. I know the show Is not taking apps but did not know if locally if there was anything to get your guys help in losing this weight. I don’t want my kids to grow up with out a dad. In 2012 I was involved in a on duty police involved shooting, my life has never been the same since that day and I think going from 240 to 308 the shooting changed things for the worse.
Please if their is anything locally et me know, I gotta get this weight off soon before it puts me in the hospital or takes my life.
Thank you for your comment! Chris and Heidi have recently created the Powell Metabolic Program, where their Arizona team members provide not only clinical one-on-one coaching through your health insurance provider, but distance coaching as well. For more information, please visit http://www.powellmetabolics.com or call 480.378.3522. Chris and Heidi are so excited to offer this new, more personal component to their transformation program! You can do this!
Hi, this is pretty much a last ditch effort to help my daughter. I am extremely worried about her. It began when she was in second grade. She used to be active and play softball, but a softball hit her in the ankle and that’s where my worry begins. See because of her injury I had to take her to a ortho dr. He in turn told me she had seavers disease. I also went to another ortho and he told me the same thing. But also told me that she has a bone disease where she breaks bones easily, so for the next two years plus after that she pretty much stayed in casts, and her dr told her she wasn’t allowed to do any exercise because she would break a bone, so she was scared. Well in doing so she put on a lot of weight. I ended up taking her to the shriners hospital to see better specialists. They did x rays and ran a bunch of tests and then referred me to Vanderbilt University , where they ran tests. My daughter ended up being diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and was told that she never broke a bone. When at one point she had all 4 extremities in casts at the same time. But not to get off subject she now is in eighth grade, getting ready to go into high school. She is 13 years old and weighs 262 pounds. I am scared for her . I know that if she just had someone to help her out knowing her medical condition and she was able to lose weight that once it started to happen she would be able to do it. I had an accident at work two years ago and have a torn disc in my back and it is flattened pushing on two nerves, I myself can’t do much I ended up gaining so much weight myself. I weighed in at 296 pounds and my legs kept swelling so much i couldn’t walk , went to the dr and she helped me lose weight. I couldn’t work out but I ended up losing almost 100 pounds since June. My daughter isn’t able to lose the weight like I did because I did so using medication , I am actually still paying for it , I have high blood pressure now and irregular heatbeat. But I lost the weight without surgery. I am still working on myself trying to lose weight but it’s hard. we recently got a gym membership , But my daughter needs more. she need someone to help her and to push her but also be aware of her medical condition and help her out. Please if you can help her I would be in debted to you forever . I really want to help her out , she’s an amazing kid with a lot of health problems I just feel that if she loses the weight it will help out so much with her medical issues. please help.
Hi Angi: Thank you for sharing your daughter’s story with us, and she sounds like an amazing young woman! Chris and Heidi truly wish they could personally help everyone, but they’re not taking on clients right now. And with your daughter’s health issues, and since she is still growing and developing, it is so important that she work with her healthcare team on any nutrition and exercise programs and then follow their recommendations. On the show, Chris and Heidi work with a complete team of medical professionals who help them put together the appropriate programs for their contestants who have medical issues. Just like on the show, your daughter’s healthcare team are the best ones to help her since they know her exact issues and can work with her on a one-on-one basis. We truly wish you both the best!
Hi Heidi,
I have a IBS-C & I was wondering if you have you’ve ever worked with clients with the same problem? and whether or not they were successful following your carb cycle program. I just bought your latest book and I’ve yet to read it but your feedback would be most appreciated.
P.S You and Chris are aaaaamazing!
Hi Trina: With any medical issue, it’s always best to discuss any nutrition and exercise program with your healthcare team first, and then follow any modifications they might recommend. And they have had clients with many different health issues and have worked with their healthcare teams during their transformation journeys. I hope this helps!
Hy Chris and Heidi ! I bought the book Choose to lose and I think is wonderful. I want to start this diet with my husband and I have some questions. Please if you can answer me. I want to know if at 170 cm and 60 kg can I follow this diet and if it will help me to get rid of unsightly fat on my body. Could you recommend me other exercises for muscle definition or the exercices from the book are enough ? I do fitness but my efforts do not work and I need exercises that work the thigh muscles. My husband needs to lose weight 35 kg, he has 188cm and 130 kg, and I want to know more about this diet. I read the book but is in english and maybei did not understand everything so well . I want to know if we’re allowed to eat protein powder several times a day? Are we allowed to drink mineral water? I read that the enzymes and the substituents are recommended, where could i bye them? could you recommend me some? Protein bars are suitable for snacks? Thank you for your work i hope i will come very soon with good news about our diet 😉
PS: sorry for the mistakes !
Hi Corina: Everything you need to know and do is in the book, and there’s a list of approved foods you can use also, which outlines all your options. As far as supplements go, it’s always best to discuss any supplements with your healthcare team first, and then follow their recommendations. You both can do this!
Hey heidi and chris, my name is stephone baldwin and I wanted to ask if you can give any tips or ways to help get started making my name in the fitness industry. Ivery been training for about 3.5 years and want to get more out there and become successfully as a full time trainer helping change lives.
Also tips on how to motivate the obese that are STUBBORN because we have one (JAMES) at our studio that is a big gamer that is 5′ 8″ over 420lbs and needs to loose weight. He’s been there for over 2 years and still that heavy. I’ve been there for a half year and when he was handed to me, after 2 sessions he wanted a different trainer because I was “to hard on him”. He NEEDS to lpose the weight bad and even though he’s not too find of me, I care and want to help and you seem to can get it on their heads and get that weight off. Any help I would appreciate it.
Thanks you.
Stephone baldwin NASM CES CPT
Hi Stephanie: As far as getting your name out more, keep doing what you’re doing, and your results will speak for themselves! People will refer friends, family, and acquaintances to you, and that’s the way to grow your client base. As far as motivating clients, they truly have to want to change. Here’s Chris and Heidi’s #1 transformation tool, and it might help you as you work with your clients also: https://heidipowell.net/8679. We wish you the best!
Chris,
I need your help, i am an overweight husband of a fabulous military member wife, she has just deployed to Kuwait and I want nothing more then to surprise her with a man that she is worthy of. I may not be the heaviest person you have helped but I have tried time and time again to loose weight and have only maintained my weight at an overweight person. i want to make my wife proud and i want to be the man she deserves. i want to be thee person she wants sexually as well as mentally which caused her to marry me. i know the reason I have gained the weight have since high school is because I have not been as active, the reason I have not been as active, I want to change that, but I need the help finding the changes that are required to keep healthy and affordable but also mobile as required in a life style of a military spouse (aka the “dependapotamous”) I want my wife to be happy to show me off as her husband and want to do things like military fun runs and dances on base with me instead of making reasons why she cant go to this event because deep down i know she doesn’t want to say she doesn’t think i can do the run. Please help me change my life.
Hi Jon: Thank you for your post and for sharing a bit of your story with us. What an awesome goal! While Chris would love to personally help everyone, it’s just not possible at this time. That’s why he and Heidi have made all their best carb cycling tips and tools available for all of us to use to achieve our transformation goals. You can find all of these tools in this post: https://heidipowell.net/9060. Make that first promise, choose a cycle, and go! You can do this!
Dear Powell family,
Let me tell you about my wife of 22 years, Lisa.
She is 41, almost 42, just under 400lbs and miserable. She’s got two moods: angry and
weepy. Her job is in accounting, entirely deskbound. She comes home and watches
television, having been raised on it. She generally doesn’t do chores around the house.
She complains about her weight while consuming Taco Bell – with no sense of irony
whatsoever. We have a 6 1/2 year old son who is socially and emotionally delayed, and
most likely has ASD. It’s hard to get school board psychs to commit to a diagnosis, so
we’re enlisting an independent one. The practial upshot of this is that he challenges
both of us and she finds it exhausting. So do I, honestly.
Childbirth messed her up a bit. She recently had a hernia repaired that had been left
alone since the delivery out of fear her weight would reopen any repair. Her gallbladder
was removed in 2013, also thought to be an issue caused by childbirth. She has had
scoliosis her entire life, but was able to perform in marching band throughout
elementary and high school despite this. She has sleep apnea and uses a CPAP.
Over the years she has bought into every fad out there: workout videos, fitness books
(including yours), Jenny Craig food, Deal-a-Meal cards, Susan Powter videos, the whole
nine yards. None of it has worked, because she lacks the one thing that matters.
Willpower.
She has seen every episode of Biggest Loser and Extreme Weight Loss. The few times I
have pointed out to her that nobody ever lost weight watching other people do it, I
caught the verbal equivalent of a bag of rabid weasels being closed over my head. I was
in the Navy for twenty years, so fitness was important – but what I don’t know how to do
is instill that imperative in her. She doesn’t react well to any sort of military
motivation. In fact she has reacted negatively to everything I have tried.
I retired almost ten years ago. These days I have a sedentary job, two blown knees, and
hormonal issues that have caused me to gain weight and become soft around the middle. I
no longer feel like the example for her to follow. This is where you come in. She hangs
on your every word but can’t summon the will to actually DO anything. I confess to being
sceptical about your program because television is so formulaic. Specifically, I wonder
if people are cherry-picked for the show because the odds of them succeeding are high.
Add some drama in the middle and you have a typical play: an introduction, hightened
tension in the middle, and finally resolution. Call me jaded, but I’m willing to take a
shot at this anyway. She isn’t going to see her son graduate from high school if
something doesn’t change. I know it. She knows it.
Lisa would be your magnum opus.
Are you real?
Jeff
Phoenix, AZ
Hi Jeff: Thank you for your post and for sharing Lisa’s story with us. Chris and Heidi would love to help her personally, but they’re not taking on clients right now. Believe me, they truly wish they could help everyone! And yes, they are for real. I know it must be so difficult to watch a loved one struggle with her obesity or health challenges. Remember that ultimately the transformation has to come from within. You cannot do this for Lisa?she truly has to want it for herself. One thing you might try, and this is the first step Chris and Heidi take with every single client they work with, is to have her make and keep a small daily promise to herself. This promise doesn?t even have to be health related – the important thing is to build her confidence and personal integrity. Read about the process here: https://heidipowell.net/8679. It really works, and it’s been the game-changer for thousands of people! When she is ready to start her own transformation, have her revisit Heidi and Chris’ books. And she can learn about the program basics here: https://heidipowell.net/9060. In addition to these tools, Chris and Heidi have recently created the Powell Metabolic Program, where their Arizona team members can provide not only clinical one-on-one coaching through her health insurance provider, but distance coaching as well. For more information, please visit http://www.powellmetabolics.com or call 480.378.3522. I hope one of these options might work for Lisa, and we wish her the best as she works to achieve her own transformation goals. She can do this!