Seeing others struggle, no matter what they’re struggling with, is tough. Super tough. Especially when the person who is struggling is a friend or family member. We love those closest to us, and we want them to be happy and successful in all areas of their lives.
I’ve seen a lot of people struggle with weight loss in my years and years of experience in the transformation world. I’ve seen them lose weight, gain it back, lose it again, and gain even more back. I’ve done all I physically and mentally could do to help and support them. Believe me, if there was a magic button I could’ve pushed and all that extra weight and the baggage that comes with it would disappear (because extra weight is heavy in more than just pounds!), it would’ve been so tempting to push that button.
But…and this is a HUGE BUT…the worst thing I could do for someone I love is push that button and make the changes for them. Why? Because there is no magic button, and I’d be doing them a huge disservice if I took the opportunity and growth and experience away from them that they’d gain going through the journey of transformation. And to be honest, that magic button change would be short-term. We respect and honor and protect the things we work hard for. Including, and especially, weight loss.
Here’s the deal: Change, no matter the type of change, has to come from a desire within the person who wants or needs to make that change. You cannot make someone else change. You cannot do the work to change for them. And that realization can be tough, especially when you see others struggling, even to the point of putting their health and their lives at risk.
The change—any change—has to come from them. They’re the only ones who can decide to change and then take the steps to change. But…you can support them through the changes they’re making. And that’s an important part to play in their transformation! According to the Mayo Clinic, the support of friends and family members can be a key to long-term weight loss success.
Accountability is key to transformation and achieving any goal. Learn more here.
What does the process of change look like?
So, to better equip you to help those you love achieve their transformation goals, let’s break down what the process of change looks like, otherwise known as The Transtheoretical Model, or more commonly known as The Stages of Change:
- Stage 1. Precontemplation: Don’t think a change is needed.
- Stage 2. Contemplation: Starting to consider change, but not quite ready to commit to change.
- Stage 3. Preparation: Preparing to change, maybe even making steps towards change (researching workout and/or nutrition plans, starting to work out, starting to eat more healthily, etc.). This step can often be triggered by a scary health experience or diagnosis.
- Stage 4. Action: Regularly engaging in activities to promote change (workout out and/or nutrition plan adherence) for 3-6 months. Putting plans in place to combat any roadblocks that might come up.
- Stage 5. Maintenance: Regularly engaging in the activities to promote change (workout out and/or nutrition plan adherence) for more than six months. Able to successfully navigate any roadblocks and potential relapses.
Why do I share The Stages of Change? It’s important for both you and the person who wants to change to understand which stage they’re in right now because someone who doesn’t think they need to change and someone who is preparing to change are in two totally different spaces and mindsets.
Think of a goal you want to accomplish: What stage of change are you in right now?
Top tips to help someone you love lose weight for good
While you can’t make a change for someone else, you can be helpful on their journey, so here are six tips you can put into place today to help someone you love lose that weight for good.
Tip #1. Remember: This is their goal, not your goal. The way you go about achieving a goal, especially a transformation-related goal, might be different from what will work for them or from the steps they want to take to achieve their goal. Offer suggestions when asked, but realize that your suggestions might be implemented or ignored. And both are okay!
Tip #2. Cheer, don’t coach. This tip goes along with tip #1. Embarking on a transformation journey can be overwhelming and frustrating with so many things to learn and do. So, the last thing your loved one needs is another person, especially someone close to them, continually suggesting things for them to do and try. Your role is to cheer them on, notice and congratulate them on every single small win, and keep telling them they CAN do this!
Tip #3. Meet them where they’re at right now. You can’t force someone out of the stage of change they’re in. It just won’t work. So, understand where they are, support them as much as you can, and they’ll progress on their transformation path in the way that’s best for them.
Tip #4. Encourage baby steps. It’s going to be so tempting to them to want to hit all their workouts and nutrition plan perfectly, but this is a recipe for disaster. Instead, encourage them to take on just one new thing at a time so they can develop healthy habits and experience long-term results—results that will stick. Research backs this up:
- Take on 1 new thing at a time = 80% chance for success.
- Take on 2 new things at a time = 35% chance for success.
- Take on 3+ new things at a time = 3% chance for success.
Tip #5. Help them build integrity. Integrity, especially personal integrity, is THE key to achieving any goal, but especially where weight loss is concerned. When you do what you say you’re going to do, when you say you’re going to do it, no matter what, the results WILL come. And that’s a promise! In fact, this is the first step I take with every single client I work with. How do you help someone build integrity? Through a little thing I call a Power Promise. A Power Promise is a promise you make to yourself, and this promise is so simple that you can do it every time, no matter what. When it comes to helping your loved one make their first Power Promise, this promise doesn’t even have to be transformation-related. The important thing is to slowly help them build their self-confidence and personal integrity and get them winning right from the beginning.
Learn more about Power Promises + Integrity here.
Tip #6. Ask them how you can best support them, then do that. Whether it’s through frequent check-ins, less frequent check-ins, whatever type of check-in works best for them (phone, text, etc.)…, it’s all about doing whatever they feel will work best for them. Their perspective of support might be different than yours or someone else’s. Remember: Weight loss—or any type of goal—has a learning curve, and your friend or family member is on that learning curve. Allow them the space to learn and grow.
Transformation is hard. Watching someone you love struggle to transform their lives, especially when it comes to losing weight, is hard. It’s our natural inclination to want to jump in and try and do the work for them. Don’t do that. Instead, use the tips I’ve shared, and not only will you be able to support them along their transformation journey, but I bet that relationship will grow even stronger!
xo,
Related reading:
Build a life you love: Set Goals + Achieve Them
How to Build Momentum, Accomplish Your Goals, + Create a Life You LOVE!
How to Beat the Odds and Actually Finish Your Goals | Jon Acuff
Consistency Is Key: How to Make Your Fitness Goals a Reality
How SMART Are Your Goals?
190 Responses
hey Chris, i need to be chose for the show. not for me. but for my daughter. oh, im sure youve heard this all before. but sit back and listen. i have a 31 yr old daughter that is more than anyone deserved of this challenge. she lives in chicago. and she does stand up comedy. she is awesome. yes, all daughters are awesome. but wait….there’s my jennifer. i feel a little guilty in her weight struggle. what a life i created for her. and i want to help, but can’t do it by myself. what do i need to say to you to get you to choose her? i, too struggle with weight loss. but recently ive lost 40 lbs. look at me! but look at her! she’s beautiful, and has done it before. she deserves the help. im too far away to be an inspiration to her. but my spirit is with her. she has a beautiful soul. please help her. work has been her enemy in the fast food devil. but, she likes the healthy food. she needs guidance. please guide her. for me. i see your shows and she is the person in your shows. she is strong. and determined. watch her. she will show you. her family is behind her. and she needs you. please.
Hi Shirley: Casting for “Extreme Weight Loss” is currently closed, but Jennifer can begin her transformation journey today with the same program Chris and Heidi use on the show! She can learn about their carb cycling program in this post: https://heidipowell.net/9060, and be sure she follows all the links within the post too. She can do this – we believe in her!
Dear Chris and Heidi,
I’m Maria , I live in Sicily (Italy). I study Humanities at university and I write for “FilodirettoNews”, a newspaper of my town.
I’m writing to you for a desire that I have in my heart.
I have a great friend, her name is Eva, she’s a sister for me. She’s always with me, in good and bad life moments. Her parents are separated since she was very young and this gave to her a long sadness that vent on food. Her weight increased so much, more than 100 kilograms…
Her mum tried so many diets and doctors, but the situation is the same. The separation from her dad, was a pain too much strong for her great sensitivity! She’s a girl with a big heart!
Eva is your great fan and follow your TV program on REAL TIME. She dream to become thin again, as she was . She needs your help , Chris and Heidi… I’d want to make her a gift ( her birthday is on 24 August ) : Can you choose her , in your Tv program, so she can have your guide?? It would be a DREAM so BIIIIG for her, and for me, because I want with all my heart her HAPPINESS !!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for listening to me.
I wait your reply dear Chris and Heidi! You’re GREAT =D =D !!!!!
A hug
Maria
Hi Maria: Thank you for sharing Eva’s story with us. Casting for “Extreme Weight Loss” is currently closed, and you do have to be a resident of the US to apply for the show. But there are some great tools in this post that Eva can use to begin her transformation journey! We wish her the best, she can do this!
Hello Team Powell!!!
I have been home recouping from foot surgery, and saw the show for the first time. I am glad I did. My older sister (10 yrs older) has had a weight problem as long as she can remember. I love her so very much, and now at her age of 60 she is about 300lbs. I can tell it is really hard on her, so I am writing to you to see if there is anyway you can somehow personally motivate her. She has done the weight watchers, and even gone to a class (I went as her accountability person for gastric bypass surgery) but they said she was not a good candidate. She is a wonderful sister, had issues at a younger age and I feel this is the result. She does not feel good about herself. I love her so much, and do not want to see her die early, both our parents are gone, in fact she wanted to adopt me when I was young, age 10. My parents were older when they had me. Thank you for reading this. Have a blessed day!
Hi Margaret: Thank you for your comment and for telling us about your sister. Chris and Heidi truly wish they could personally help everyone, but since that’s not possible, they’ve made their carb cycling program available for everyone to use to achieve their transformation goals. There’s a link to their program in this post, but here it is again for your sister’s convenience: https://heidipowell.net/9060. Help her make and keep that first promise to herself, and she’ll have taken the first step on her transformation journey. She can do this!
Iamover weigthineed help so dose myhadnadI Lostmymom lasl year soplesease can you help me MissyMckinley
Hi Missy: I’m so sorry to hear about your mom, and I can’t imagine how difficult this must be for you. You can learn all about Chris and Heidi’s carb cycling program – the same program they use on the show – in this post: https://heidipowell.net/9060. And be sure and follow all the links within the post too. You can do this!
I’m just a regular person, a mom,a wife, and a grandmother. I’m 42 and I am the heaviest I have ever been at 180. I recently started college and going to school and working full-time is very hard and trying to figure out, on how to workout and lose weight, when your working from 7-4 and then going you school from 5-10 it’s very hard to figure out when and how to workout. Can I get some advice on how and what works to do to lose weight to get to my target weight of 125.
Hi Anne: You can learn all about Chris and Heidi’s carb cycling program in this post: https://heidipowell.net/9060. And be sure and follow all the links within the post too. You can do this!
Hi Heidi and Chris:
I am Cathy and writing because my boyfriend James he is very over weight he have back problem he did have surgery to replace his hips he have diabetics and other health problem I love him so much I am scare to lose him he have our kids a grandson and other in the way I hope one day soon we get married but he does need help professional like Heidi and Chris He is scared to die and I am terrified of losing him I cant see my life with out him because he is my everything together with our kids and grand children so please Chris help us you are our only hope
Hi Catherine: While Chris and Heidi truly wish they could personally help everyone, they’re not able to take on clients at this time. I’d have your boyfriend take the steps outlined in this post, and he can begin his own transformation journey today! He can do this!
? possibile partecipare al vostro programma extreme makeover diet edition?o almeno vorrei lo faceste per mio fratello
(Convertite utilizzando Google Translate) Mi dispiace, ma non deve essere un residente degli Stati Uniti di applicare per lo spettacolo. Ma il tuo fratello possa iniziare il suo percorso di trasformazione oggi con lo stesso programma Chris e Heidi utilizzano nello show. Egli pu? conoscere qui: https://heidipowell.net/9060. Si pu? fare questo!
hello chris and heidi:my name is patty im 54 years old and i suffer from ms,and im a breast cancer survior,two years ago my husband walked out on me after 23 years of marriage,durning my marriage he always made me feel fat and ugly and worthless because i couldnt work.i am 160 pounds and im 5feet 5inches,ihave put on weight because of my steriod treatments for ms,i would really love to loose weight and get healthy agin and maybe i will feel good about myself,can you help me please,thank you .patricia magliochetti
Hi Patricia: You have been through a lot! You can begin your transformation journey today with the tools in this post: https://heidipowell.net/9060. And please discuss this program with your healthcare team first and then follow any modifications they might recommend. You can do this!
Ciao sono Daniela..ti scrivo perch? ho bisogno di urgente aiuto..mio fratello ha perso la strada della sua vita..si ? appena separato e non ha pi? stimolo di vita..ingrassa mangia e beve e nulla lo pu? aiutare se non voi..il suo corpo non regge pi? il pancreas scoppia la pressione ? alta ma ci? che ? peggio non riusciamo a scuotendo perch? si sente fallito..scegliete lui..aiutatemi la sua vita ? appesa a un filo e serve che qualcuno gli faccia capire che vale la pena provare..
Hi Daniela: (Tradotto con Google Traduttore) Grazie per dirci un po ‘di tuo fratello. Non sono sicuro di capire il vostro commento in modo corretto attraverso la traduzione, ma con i suoi problemi di salute, sarebbe meglio se si lavora con il suo team di assistenza sanitaria in qualsiasi programma di nutrizione e l’esercizio fisico e poi segue le loro raccomandazioni. Noi con tutti e due il meglio!
Grazie tantissimo..vorrei trovare la strada giusta per aiutarlo..qualcuno come voi nel vostro programma che uscisse il meglio di s?..
Hello. My name is Teresa. I’m deaf. With. Good lip reading and talking. Myself. Also. Mother of three. And I love to watch yr show. I pray. U could help my two. Daughters who re over weights they tried. To lose weights. But couldn’t. It’s hard. My. Biggest concern of my girls s early prediabite,thyroid problems. To cause weights to gain I pray. For their need help from u. u helped lots of people. Who. We’re over weights to turn out to be healthy. Bless you. Hope to meet u. Please. P.s. My oldest girl was born to chubby to now .. Thank u sincerely teresa
Hi Teresa: Thank you for your comment! Chris and Heidi truly wish they could personally help everyone, but since they can’t, they’ve made all their transformation tools available for everyone to use to achieve their transformation goals. You can learn about their carb cycling program here: https://heidipowell.net/9060. And it would be best if your daughters discuss this program, or any nutrition and exercise program, with their healthcare teams first and then follow any modifications they recommend. We wish them the best – they can do this!
Hi am puertorriquen i Live in San Antonio 3 years and i would like to be part of your Challenge i am over weight. I pray e ver y day so i can lose wieght. Please choose me. Love what you guys do. Thank you.
Hi Iliana: Casting for EWL is currently closed, but you can begin your own transformation journey today with the same program Chris and Heidi use on the show. Learn about their carb cycling program here: https://heidipowell.net/9060. Make that first promise, choose a cycle, and go! You can do this!