Seeing others struggle, no matter what they’re struggling with, is tough. Super tough. Especially when the person who is struggling is a friend or family member. We love those closest to us, and we want them to be happy and successful in all areas of their lives.
I’ve seen a lot of people struggle with weight loss in my years and years of experience in the transformation world. I’ve seen them lose weight, gain it back, lose it again, and gain even more back. I’ve done all I physically and mentally could do to help and support them. Believe me, if there was a magic button I could’ve pushed and all that extra weight and the baggage that comes with it would disappear (because extra weight is heavy in more than just pounds!), it would’ve been so tempting to push that button.
But…and this is a HUGE BUT…the worst thing I could do for someone I love is push that button and make the changes for them. Why? Because there is no magic button, and I’d be doing them a huge disservice if I took the opportunity and growth and experience away from them that they’d gain going through the journey of transformation. And to be honest, that magic button change would be short-term. We respect and honor and protect the things we work hard for. Including, and especially, weight loss.
Here’s the deal: Change, no matter the type of change, has to come from a desire within the person who wants or needs to make that change. You cannot make someone else change. You cannot do the work to change for them. And that realization can be tough, especially when you see others struggling, even to the point of putting their health and their lives at risk.
The change—any change—has to come from them. They’re the only ones who can decide to change and then take the steps to change. But…you can support them through the changes they’re making. And that’s an important part to play in their transformation! According to the Mayo Clinic, the support of friends and family members can be a key to long-term weight loss success.
Accountability is key to transformation and achieving any goal. Learn more here.
What does the process of change look like?
So, to better equip you to help those you love achieve their transformation goals, let’s break down what the process of change looks like, otherwise known as The Transtheoretical Model, or more commonly known as The Stages of Change:
- Stage 1. Precontemplation: Don’t think a change is needed.
- Stage 2. Contemplation: Starting to consider change, but not quite ready to commit to change.
- Stage 3. Preparation: Preparing to change, maybe even making steps towards change (researching workout and/or nutrition plans, starting to work out, starting to eat more healthily, etc.). This step can often be triggered by a scary health experience or diagnosis.
- Stage 4. Action: Regularly engaging in activities to promote change (workout out and/or nutrition plan adherence) for 3-6 months. Putting plans in place to combat any roadblocks that might come up.
- Stage 5. Maintenance: Regularly engaging in the activities to promote change (workout out and/or nutrition plan adherence) for more than six months. Able to successfully navigate any roadblocks and potential relapses.
Why do I share The Stages of Change? It’s important for both you and the person who wants to change to understand which stage they’re in right now because someone who doesn’t think they need to change and someone who is preparing to change are in two totally different spaces and mindsets.
Think of a goal you want to accomplish: What stage of change are you in right now?
Top tips to help someone you love lose weight for good
While you can’t make a change for someone else, you can be helpful on their journey, so here are six tips you can put into place today to help someone you love lose that weight for good.
Tip #1. Remember: This is their goal, not your goal. The way you go about achieving a goal, especially a transformation-related goal, might be different from what will work for them or from the steps they want to take to achieve their goal. Offer suggestions when asked, but realize that your suggestions might be implemented or ignored. And both are okay!
Tip #2. Cheer, don’t coach. This tip goes along with tip #1. Embarking on a transformation journey can be overwhelming and frustrating with so many things to learn and do. So, the last thing your loved one needs is another person, especially someone close to them, continually suggesting things for them to do and try. Your role is to cheer them on, notice and congratulate them on every single small win, and keep telling them they CAN do this!
Tip #3. Meet them where they’re at right now. You can’t force someone out of the stage of change they’re in. It just won’t work. So, understand where they are, support them as much as you can, and they’ll progress on their transformation path in the way that’s best for them.
Tip #4. Encourage baby steps. It’s going to be so tempting to them to want to hit all their workouts and nutrition plan perfectly, but this is a recipe for disaster. Instead, encourage them to take on just one new thing at a time so they can develop healthy habits and experience long-term results—results that will stick. Research backs this up:
- Take on 1 new thing at a time = 80% chance for success.
- Take on 2 new things at a time = 35% chance for success.
- Take on 3+ new things at a time = 3% chance for success.
Tip #5. Help them build integrity. Integrity, especially personal integrity, is THE key to achieving any goal, but especially where weight loss is concerned. When you do what you say you’re going to do, when you say you’re going to do it, no matter what, the results WILL come. And that’s a promise! In fact, this is the first step I take with every single client I work with. How do you help someone build integrity? Through a little thing I call a Power Promise. A Power Promise is a promise you make to yourself, and this promise is so simple that you can do it every time, no matter what. When it comes to helping your loved one make their first Power Promise, this promise doesn’t even have to be transformation-related. The important thing is to slowly help them build their self-confidence and personal integrity and get them winning right from the beginning.
Learn more about Power Promises + Integrity here.
Tip #6. Ask them how you can best support them, then do that. Whether it’s through frequent check-ins, less frequent check-ins, whatever type of check-in works best for them (phone, text, etc.)…, it’s all about doing whatever they feel will work best for them. Their perspective of support might be different than yours or someone else’s. Remember: Weight loss—or any type of goal—has a learning curve, and your friend or family member is on that learning curve. Allow them the space to learn and grow.
Transformation is hard. Watching someone you love struggle to transform their lives, especially when it comes to losing weight, is hard. It’s our natural inclination to want to jump in and try and do the work for them. Don’t do that. Instead, use the tips I’ve shared, and not only will you be able to support them along their transformation journey, but I bet that relationship will grow even stronger!
xo,
Related reading:
Build a life you love: Set Goals + Achieve Them
How to Build Momentum, Accomplish Your Goals, + Create a Life You LOVE!
How to Beat the Odds and Actually Finish Your Goals | Jon Acuff
Consistency Is Key: How to Make Your Fitness Goals a Reality
How SMART Are Your Goals?
190 Responses
I am wondering how I can get a spot on your show with help from you with my my daughter and I health journey ?
How do write in to submit someone for Chris? show Extreme Weightloss. She is a friend and I started helping her on her journey as I am a coach, but I feel she is losing weight at a slow pace, but would benefit from the show since she has an extreme amount of weight to lose., probably about 200 pounds. Of all my challengers she is the most committed and follows the program, but I know she needs more and perhaps you would consider her. Thank you so much for your time
Hi Niurka: Thank you for contacting us about your friend. The show has been cancelled, but your friend can get our top transformation tools in this post: https://heidipowell.net/9060. We know she can totally do this, especially with you on her team! 🙂
Hi Tracy: The show was cancelled, but you both can begin your transformation journeys today with the tools in this post: https://heidipowell.net/9060. You both can do this!
My daughter is 400+ pounds she is going though a bitter divorce because of this she has basicly lost her only son he doesn’t want anything to die with her she has an 17 year old daughter and a 9 year old who is sickly as well as in and out of the hospital. Recently she (my daughter) had to go to the hospital because she could not walk the pain was so great. While there she found out she has a pseudoaneurysm in her neck I am so scared of losing my daughter please please please can you help her thankyou her name is Erika she is 40 and her kids need her so do I
Hi Ntalya: Thank you for reaching out to Heidi and Team Powell and for telling us about Erika. Here’s a post on this blog with some great tools to help her begin her transformation journey today! https://heidipowell.net/9060. And please have her discuss any nutrition and exercise program with her healthcare team and then follow any modifications they might recommend. She can do this…one baby step at a time!
My sister in law melinda weights over 450 pounds and I want to see how I can get ur help to help her. She has medical issues bc of the weight.
I would like u to help her plz…
Hi Rebecca: Melinda can get our top transformation tools in this post so she can begin her transformation journey today! https://heidipowell.net/9060. She can totally do this!
I am needing help with my 17 year old son. He is 5’9″ and weighs 441 lbs. I have tried everything got a nutritionist psychohist and there is a free gym program in my area for teens but our broken family dynamic appears to be the constant issue. I have explained and keep away from any fast foods but it does not seem to work.
His father believe s that football and his position is more important than his sons health Pleasee Chris or Heidi help me
Cynthia Lozano mother 9366486956
I not obese but I am gaining wait I do drink one pint a night yes I can go without I also take suboxone wich I get from a friend I need help not at a treatment center done been I need treatment by myself I?ve got an 8 yr old daughter I will not loose I?m looking for working out as to help I?ve done everything for the past 16 yrs time to turn the tables but I can?t do it alone I will refuse rehab centers they don?t work and want to do this on my own considering you guys help thanks
Hi Derek: Here’s a post on this blog that gives you the tools you need to begin your transformation journey today! https://heidipowell.net/9060. And please discuss any nutrition and exercise program with your healthcare team and then follow any modifications they may recommend. You got this!
Hello, my name is paul. I’m contacting you hoping and praying you can help me win my wife back. She has suffered alot of hurt and betrayal from family members.. my wife lost 3 close family members in one month! This has torn my wife to pieces… for 3yrs straight after losing her baby sister, brother,and Nephew my wife won’t leave the house,only for doctor appointments or court dates for her nieces that she is now raising, and doing a Awsome! job at it. My wife has put on alot of weight and our alone time doesn’t exist at all… she doesn’t believe she is a very sexy woman to me ,and I love her with all my heart!!! Please help me save,and win my wife back.
Hi Paul: I’m so, so sorry to hear about all your wife has been going through, and I cannot imagine how difficult this all has been for both of you. Heidi would love to help her personally, but unfortunately, she’s not taking on clients at this time. That’s why she and Chris have made their best transformation tools available for all of us to use to achieve our goals. You can learn about these tools here: https://heidipowell.net/9060. And the first step for your wife is to make and keep that first small, simple promise to herself. It can be as simple as brushing your teeth every day. There’s a link to promises in that post, but here’s the link to make things easy: https://heidipowell.net/8679 We wish you both the best, and we know she can do this!
Hello Chris and Heidi
Will you be soon choosing anyoeforyiur extreme weight loss
My daughter is close to 300lbs has 2 boys and woud love for her to become a candidate on your show
God bless
Hi Olga: Unfortunately, the show has been cancelled, but there are some great tips in this post and in this one that can help your kids: https://heidipowell.net/9060. If they’re children under 18, be sure and work with their healthcare teams on any nutrition and exercise programs since they are still growing. 🙂
Hi Chris and Heidi,
My mom is a huge fan of y?all and always watches your show. She is such an incredible person and a mom. Two years ago, she ended up losing close to 100 lbs (maybe more?) and kept it off for a little time. Unfortunately, August/September of 2017 Hurricane Harvey hit Houston, TX and my family was drastically affected. We ended up having close to 6 feet in the house and 8 feet in the garage, resulting in a lot of artifacts and belongings being destroyed. It?s been 8-9 months since Harvey and we are still not in our home. My mom ended up losing a lot of motivation to get back to the gym and get back on track. She came a long way before and fears it all went down the drain. On a positive note, I ended up getting engaged shortly after the Hurricane hit. We set a date for October 2019 and I?m really trying to get my mom on track so she, just like myself, feels extra beautiful for the day of. Do you have any advise or words of encouragement to help her out?
Hi Kaitlin: I’m so sorry to hear about everything you and your family have gone through, and we hope you’re able to return to some semblance of normalcy soon. And congratulations on your engagement – that’s so exciting! There are some great tools in this post to get her started, and she might also be interested in checking out Chris and Heidi’s app, The TRANSFORM App, which offers a totally customized nutrition and workout program. It’s amazing, and she can learn more about it here: http://thetransformapp.com. We know she can do this – we believe in her!
Hi Chris and Heidi, my name is Maria. My mother is a huge fan of the both of you and looks up to sooo much. She’s been having trouble being motivated and I try to encourage her to go to the gym with me but she always comes up with excuses. And whenever I demand we go, it usually ends up with me being yelled at considering I’m only 15. I really want to help her but I don’t know how to motivate her. Do you have any words of encouragement that could maybe help? She might be inspired if it came from people she looks up to the most.
Sincerely, Maria
Hi Maria: It’s really hard to help people change if they’re not ready to change, which can be so frustrating! I’d set a good example for her, and hopefully, she’ll choose to start changing. You’re an awesome daughter! 🙂
Hi my name asia and i wish to lose weight .please help me .after 3 month am married so I need to lose my weight Chris
Hi Asia: You can get all of the steps and tools you need to begin your transformation journey in this post: https://heidipowell.net/9060. You can totally do this! 🙂
Hay my name is Omunique Banks and im writing this for the sake of my mom. My mother name is Charnisha Horne and she been struggling with her weight since she was a child. Over the years my mom has started to get really uncomfortable with her weight such as back pain but, the most effective part about her weight is her self confidence, she does not believe she is pretty most of the time and she has convinced her self that she this fat blob. At this point my mom does not go outside or to have fun because she doesnt feel sexy in her own skin nor in very attractive clothing. she watches your show everyday and i just wanted to know if you guys could help me out and make my mom feel pretty again … if so thanks so much
Hi Omunique: Thank you for telling us about your mom! There are some great tips for her in this post, and I’d have her start by making and keeping that first small, simple promise to herself. And I know Chris and Heidi would want to thank her for her support – it means so much to them! We wish you both all the best!
Hi Heidi and Chris,
My boyfriend has always wanted to get into the Marine Corps. His father is an Officer in the Corps, so his family moved a lot. The last move that they did took a huge toll on him – they moved from Virginia to Southern California. He lost his interest in Cross Country and working out in general, and gained a lot of weight. The Corps won’t allow him to enter unless he’s a certain weight – about 40 pounds less than he is right now. He wants to lose it, but the motivation isn’t there. He won’t check the scale because he doesn’t want to be discouraged. I have run out of ideas. Please, please help me.
Hi Peyton: Thank you for your comment and for sharing your boyfriend’s story with us. There are some great tools in this post, and I’d start there. Even if he can make and keep some small, simple promises (like work out for 5 minutes a day), this will help him take those first steps on his transformation journey. Sometimes simply getting started can be the hardest part! And he doesn’t need to check the scale to get started…he simply needs to start moving and do his best to eat healthy foods. He can do this!