Ladies, it’s time we had a talk. Not THE talk, but you’ll definitely need to have had THAT talk before we have THIS talk. It’s a subject that gets joked about, glamorized, and sensationalized, but it’s rarely treated with the sincere power it’s capable of. I’m talking about sex. More specifically, it’s time we had a talk about how much sex you and your significant other are having. A little too personal? Trust me, I agree, and if this wasn’t a subject I felt extremely passionate about, I wouldn’t bring it up.
But truly, sex saved my marriage, and I am willing to bet it could save (or improve!) yours too.
About a year ago, Chris and I sat stoic with bleary, red eyes, completely speechless in the parking lot of a divorce attorney’s office. Seriously. We had spent months completely at each other’s throats, years of the same arguments again and again had turned our hearts cold, and the idea of staying together was seemingly impossible. We sat and stared at each other completely in awe of what we were about to do. And then we had an idea.
A couple weeks prior to us landing in the parking lot of the attorney’s office, we confided in a close friend about our challenges. Between working together, raising children together, and watching our dreams grow and then plummet then begin to grow again, Chris and I had almost ZERO feelings of love and romance for each other left. Sure we loved each other, but is that the same as being in love? No, it’s not.
And truth be told, we BOTH needed to feel loved again, and the idea that it could ever come from each other again was unfathomable. Our friend shared a challenge he and his wife took on during a similar rut in their romance, and he raved about how it healed years old wounds, rekindled a fire they thought had long died out, and turned them from near enemies to best friends.
So what’s the magic challenge? It’s simple: Have sex every. single. day. for 30 days.
I know what you’re thinking, because trust me, I thought alllll the same things. Seriously? How could sex save my marriage? What if I’m too tired? Or sick? Sex is great, but THIRTY days straight? I don’t think we can do that. But then we tried it.
Prior to the challenge, I had very little hope that anything, let alone what goes on between the sheets, could keep Chris and me together, but I am here to say it transformed our marriage. The first few days were business as usual? we hadn’t fought much those days so sex didn’t seem like a terrible idea.
By day 6, though, Chris and I were in the midst of one our infamous knock out, drag down fights. I didn’t even want to LOOK at him, let alone be intimate with him. I walked into our bedroom and declared, “The challenge is over, there’s no point.” And Chris, being a man truer to his integrity than anyone else on earth, said, “No, we made a commitment, and we’re sticking to it.” And so we did. Guys, without divulging too many details (because, ahem, awkward), we went from hating each other’s guts to laughing hysterically, cuddling, and feeling those same warm feelings that we felt many moons ago when we were first dating.
The challenge continued another 24 days with plenty of arguments, hurt feelings, and negative thoughts along the way. However, the next 24 days were also filled with more flirting, quick kisses, silly teases, and friendly moments than we had shared in months…maybe even years. Somewhere along the way, our marriage shifted from business partner-based to best friends who were lucky enough to have sleepovers every single night.
And was it the sex that did it? Maybe partially. But what I believe really changed us was our dedication to spending even 20 minutes every single day completely focused on each other. Despite the good, the bad, and the ugly of the day, despite busy schedules and hurt feelings, we knew that nightly we were going to have the opportunity to put everything aside and just be in love?something Chris and I had never prioritized quite like that before. It gave us silly moments and ones filled with passion, and it allowed us to open up and spend time cuddled up and chatting, an almost extinct act between us previously. The 30 day challenge may have been based on sex, but what we gained from it had nothing to do with sex at all. The 30 day challenge gave us our love back, and in turn, our marriage.
Now, it’s your turn. Whether you’re a newlywed or nearing divorce, I have no doubt in my mind that committing to and completing the 30 day sex challenge can and will improve your feelings of sincere love for your spouse. Now, is it a guaranteed fix for every marital woe? Of course not! But I truly believe in the healing power of this commitment to your loved one. So give it a try and report back. Of course, spare the gory details, 😉 but I want to know if it works for you! Did the 30 Day Sex Challenge save your marriage too? Help it? Hurt it? Let me know!
xo,
Heidi
Related reading:
6 Ways to Spend Valentine?s With Your (My) Swolemate
5 Years of (Mostly) Wedded Bliss + How We Met Vid!
Feel the Love?and the Burn! || Ultimate Couple?s Workout
Giving Love to Others
40 for my 40 year old || Why Chris Powell is the Greatest Man on Earth
154 Responses
Hi. My sons girlfriend shared this blog with me…. It seems like a good idea… 30 days straight of all kinds of sex moves. I like that idea.
Like most Women posting thier experiences is kinda of refreshing to know there are other women going through the similar challenges.
My issue is that my Husband is not healthy – mentally….. we have sex and most of the time it?s – great. We?re both accommodating….
How I understand this in the way this blog has been written…. it?s not about the SEX … it?s living everyday with someone who has their own ways of what marriage is or how we handle the challenges…. chooseing the battles that are just not worth it!! Have sex instead. I agree….
In my marriage…. it seems to be one sided… and just in the last year it?s financial…
My husband is not a nice person verbally….. and has always struggled with that kind of behavior…. he is A DIRTY FIGHTER. … he will not stay in our marriage counseling and does not take responsibility … he is also NOT HAPPY WITH HIMSELF. He has also become so hateful about life and with me…. because i won?t let him project himself onto me….pisses him off… I wish this would work…. but, I?m my case…. as soon as I come forward and try to smooth him , so we can put down barriers ….we?ll get there and life is good for a week or so… then something or many things trigger him and he gets back to the resentment of almost everything… he likes to argue about everything…. he has become a VERY TOXIC-PERSON. to be around…. it makes me so disturbed that he is this his behavior….
However, I can put bad feelings away and have sex. Because I like it as much with him as he does with me….. it?s his current metal illness that gets in the way of intimacy… lm all about this challenge… I really don?t feel like he would be willing…. Or would at least RESPECT the process….
I am TOO DEEPLY HURT that I feel like he in love with his hate and darkness and not in love with me….
There – I shared my dirty soap box.
Please be strong, I believe God will help you through, dealing with a man like that is really troubling, but I am happy that you are still fighting for your marriage.
You are not alone. I know how much strength and love you need and how terrible this can be. It’s my story, too. And not a “dirty soap box story”…it’s a Love story.
Im so srry girl ?. Reading your words, felt like you were talking about my life. Our stories are scarily similar. ?? Stay strong
As someone who who struggles with some of the issues you shared similar to your husband. I don’t have mental illness but I am unable to work due to debilitatating pain sometimes I just need a reminder from my wife I don’t want to be negative because I don’t realize that I am. I wish you only the best my wife struggles with intimacy she weighs 140 pounds and thinks she’s fat I am well over 300 and she is insecure with her looks and body we all have our struggles. I feel like couples who love each other can make it work
Came onto this site by accident. My husband and I have been married for 22 years. He has always had a wondering eye and had 3 affairs I know off, I thought he was going to walk out so I had an affair too although I felt nothing. I love my husband. He always brings it up and I dont. My kinesiologist told me he is going to walk out in 2 years. I am devastated beyond belief. I love him so much. He does drink and chooses to drink with his buddies and feels like he chooses them above me but when we are together we enjoy each other. We started having sex again after 3 years of no sex and I pray this will save my marriage and that he can fall in love with me again
Hello ?? I?m new to our blog. The first thing I see is about Sex. Lol this should be good I thought ?. Well it was ! Honest Revealing and Bold ? Thank you. I?m 50 new yo Arizona with my husband far away from my daughter and the NY. Is so nice to see you and your family in this together. ?
What about the days you had ?lady business?? ?. Errr. Umm.
Ever heard of oral? Errr. Ummm.
A lot of women don?t have periods anymore. It?s birth control methods OR a towel OR shower? There are ways ma?am.
Flex … look it up. It will change your ideas on period sex. During that time of the month your nerves are on full fire mode so most say the sex is way better. Bleeding is always the hurdle and that is where Flex comes in.
Who cares?! Sex during your period is amazing! Take a shower after and lay a towel down during. No biggie!! Try it. ?
Thank you for being so honest Heidi!
I would love to do the 30 days challenge even though me and my husband are quite happy, but my husband works nights only and during the day I am at work or we have our 4 years old girl around so I find it impossible to have sex every day.
My husband and I still do it during that time of the month. We put a towel underneath me, and he obviously uses protection. It is nice because there is more natural lubrication during that time.
Headed down divorce row … the thought of having sex with him makes me want to ? vomit . You two are amazing and so glad it worked and saved yours , but mine is over . He wanted to do the responsible thing and after 11 years i just want someone to really love me . Thanks for sharing your story .
You should also read the 5 languages of love. It has helped me.
Maybe now as I read your blog we should of tried this but too late…thank you for being honest with everything. You are one unique woman! Gods Blessings to you both!?
I?m almost in tears. My husband and I have been together for almost 30 years, married 27 years, in May. I?m at that point y?all were. Everything has been just dead between us, even though we still do love each other.
One question. Yes, it?s a gory one. I have a thing about sex and that time of the month. Do you still do it (for lack of a better term) during that time? It?s never bothered him, but kinda grosses me out. Sorry if too personal.
I definitely want to try this. He will be ecstatic, I?m sure, haha.
Thank you so much for having the guts to talk about this! I?m so happy you and Chris are back in love again.
My husband and I actually did this challenge back when it wasn’t a fad. To answer your question, I powered through “those days.” I used to think GROSS, but it actually changed my feelings. I realized I was desirable regardless of what I looked like or the “state” I was in. Hope that helps??
Marriage is like weight-loss! You have to chose to change the way you approach the relationship. If you have an unhealthy relationship with food, your weight is not going anywhere. Same goes with marriage! You can’t expect to neglect your spouse and expect things to go well. If I neglect good food and spend all my time flirting with junk food, do you think I will lose weight? Hecky no! Why would it shock anyone that if I neglect to make my spouse a priority like healthy food (it’s 90% of the game baby!) , that my marriage or any relationship would suffer?
I love and adore you both by the way! SOOOO happy you made it work, but Chris taught me to be me and speak up so that is what I’m doing. You go Glenn Coco (aging myself LOL)
When I showed him the challenge, my husband said ?Yes! Can we start tonight?!? ?
I want to try this! Question is what if you just don?t care to have sex? I have a low sex drive and could care less if I ever have sex again. Do u just force it? Me and my hubby have a good relationship however I would like to want to have sex more. Any suggestions?
Jess, sometimes just doing it will make you want it more. It’s like exercising, when you first start you hate every minute of it, but eventually your body starts to crave the endorphins.