Overcoming an Eating Disorder: A Journey to Health, Healing, and Happiness

Overcoming an Eating Disorder

While it?s hard to open up and talk about moments in my life I am not proud of, the effect this post had on social media?over 3 million reached and almost 900 comments at last count!?and the lives it seemed to touch, was incredibly worth it. I can?t help but post it here on my blog as well, in hopes of it reaching and helping even more in need, especially since one of our dear friends and contestants on Extreme Weight Loss season 5?Pearls?also suffered for years from an eating disorder.

Moment of truth: In the depths of my own severe eating disorder, I never thought in a millions years that I would be happy with my body. ?Weight, scales, body image, exercise, food, dieting, restricting, binging, purging, fear? were just a handful of awful words that would literally plague my mind daily for nearly a decade as I battled with the strongest opponent ever: MYSELF. I fought my own demons each and every day. Each day attempting to release myself from the hell I was living. Each day striving for a healthier life. Day after day, month after month, and year after year, I failed. Each failed attempt was proof to me that I?d always suffer, and that I would never live a ?normal? life. There were times I felt my body wouldn?t be able to handle the stress I was putting it through, and I worried I wouldn?t make it to the next day.

The picture on the left is me at 17 in the place I mentioned above. This wasn?t even the worst of it?fast forward 6 years?I was married with a baby on the way and still didn?t have my crap together. Luckily, that was about when things changed and healing began. Becoming a mother and learning to be selfless was one of the best things that ever happened to me, and it truly helped set me on a better path.

Two kids, one divorce, a new husband, and two more kids later, I am healthier than ever before. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. While it truly has been a slow journey, the fact that I am eating upwards of 2600 calories a day to build muscle will never be anything short of a miracle to me, because the thought of increasing size was always something that absolutely terrified me. At 33 years old and 20 lbs. heavier than I?ve been the majority of my adult life, I feel sexier, stronger, more beautiful and confident than ever before. Yeah, I might have a little more cellulite and wear a couple of sizes larger, but I can lift heavy weights and carry someone on my back without feeling like I’m gonna? break. 😉 I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I saw this pic Chris snapped of me the other during my workout and couldn?t help but cry a few happy tears for how far I?ve come. I thank GOD every single day that I?m not suffering now like I did for so many years.

For ANYONE out there struggling with feeling like you will never get out of the vicious eating disorder cycle, use me as PROOF that it is possible! GET HELP! Seeking help may seem like a sign of weakness, but it is truly a sign of strength. Weak people do not reach out for help. Only strong and courageous people do!

If you or someone you know is suffering from an eating disorder, here are some amazing organizations that can help:

Shades of Hope
National Eating Disorders Association

And please check out this blog post for some additional information about eating disorders and some tools that have helped me work through my own eating disorder.

Xoxo,

Heidi

Related reading:

Fighting Through My Struggle with Body Dysmorphia and an Eating Disorder
Eating Disorders: The Ugly Truth of the Skinny Fixation

61 Responses

  1. I think I have suffered from an eating disorder since I was 12 (I turned 19 last month), maybe even earlier, but I remember starting the purging thing in my second year of high school (I was an early student). I am still in these circles I can’t get out. It starts with eating ‘normal’ – ‘starve’ – ‘binge/purge’ – ‘normal’ – ‘binge/overeat’ without purging.

    It’s literally driving me nuts and I went vegan on March 1st 2015. I lost around 15kg, due to eating plantbased, but I don’t see any change. I don’t recognize anything and I’m still overweight for my height.

    I gained some weight, due to binging on fatty foods like crisps, fries and vegan cookies I bake myself.
    I do try to make healthy breakfast muffins now etc. but the mindset is so hard to change and I tried to talk about this, with my mom. But she says I don’t need a psychologist or a doctor. She says I should just stop exaggerating and focus on losing weight and eat healthy.

    But it’s hard to suddenly ‘step out’ of an ED. I can’t just stop. It always pulls me back whenever I try 🙁
    I basically don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t feel like getting better fits in my future.

  2. Hi heidi does you have any tips to beat the scale. I find myself taking out the scale and always weighting myself. I find i cant control it and it happens alot any tips xxxx thnxs a mil

    1. Hi Elizabeth: Chris and Heidi recommend weighing yourself only once a week. We know it can be tempting to want to weigh more often, but your weight naturally fluctuates from day to day, and it can be discouraging to see it go up. Make a promise to yourself to only weigh once a week – learn more about promises (Chris and Heidi’s #1 transformation tool) here: https://heidipowell.net/8679. 🙂

  3. Hi! Your blog and books are so great! I still do have a question as to whether you ever advise altering the cycles in any way, specifically with regards to caloric intake. I know that a normal amount of exercise would be fine while on a 1200-1500 calorie daily intake but I weight lift 5 days a week heavy weights and a lot of volume. I want to lose fat but I don’t want to lose my hard earned muscle….just want it to be more visible! 🙂 I currently weigh in at 149 and I’m 5’6″. Would recommend higher calories daily? And which cycle do you think will get me the fastest results without compromising too much muscle tissue. I track my macros and calories in addition to my HC LC days. Any advice at all would be so helpful! P.S. Right now I am doing the Turbo cycle but I’m just worried it could be too aggressive….

    1. Thank you so much for your response! Once last question…If I add calories back in should I do that slowly? If so how much would you recommend per day or per week? I guess I’m asking if I should reverse diet to more calories while still carb cycling? Do you have any posts or information in reverse dieting? Thank you again! I am loving my results and how I feel on your diet!

  4. I just wanted to say that you are amazing. I am a big time follower, youtube, FB and instagram. Your family gives me home. You are simply so strong! I admire how you keep speaking for the befitting of others. The fact that you respond to others, at all, is pretty amazing. Thank you for being such great role models.

  5. Hi Heidi, what are your thoughts on juice fasting? I’ve heard allot of fantastic things, also some negative as well.
    Thank you, for your time.
    Brandy

  6. Hi Heidi & team… I need help. I am 25 years old, extremely overweight, unhappy, and unhealthy. I deal with binge eating then hating myself for it later. I was wondering if extreme weightloss is casting? If I could apply. I want to do better, I want to deal with my demons, I want to learn to live healthier.. not just for me but also my husband and our future children.

    1. Hi Carmen: Casting for EWL is currently closed, but you can begin your transformation journey today with the tools Chris and Heidi have provided for all of us to use to achieve our transformation goals. You can learn about the basics of their carb cycling program here: https://heidipowell.net/9060. And be sure and follow all the links within the post too. Make that first promise to yourself, choose a cycle, and go! You can do this!

  7. Hello Heidi
    I have a question for you. You’ve been pregnant 4x and am just wondering if you ever struggled with depression. Am 8 months pregnant with my 2nd child. First pregnancy was a blast and no problems in any way. I got diagnosed with ITP (Blood disease) and Thyroid disease after I had him. This time around I have made a lot better choices regarding my diet and exercise but have suffered severely with depression. Since am on thyroid meds (which is difficult for me as am very much anti meds) I don’t want my doc to put me on anti depressants too so I haven’t told any doctor about it. Its just been difficult and I tried reaching out to my churches moms group but don’t feel any support whatsoever. I don’t feel comfortable sharing with too many people and therefore not many others know. Did you ever suffer with depression while pregnant? I’m hoping and praying God heals me and it will be over in a month when we expect our little girl. Thanks for reading.

    1. Hi Fanny: Congratulations on that new little one who will be here very soon! I’m so sorry, but I don’t know the answer to your question. It’s obvious that you’re struggling with this, and since depression can be very difficult, it would probably be best for you to chat with your healthcare team. Hopefully they can help you figure out how to deal with this without additional meds since that’s what you’re aiming for. All of us at Team Powell wish you the best! ?

    2. I would say talk to a healthcare provider, and let him or her know that you don’t want to take drugs. Medication can be helpful, but it’s your body and you can treat your depression any way you want. Your doctor might suggest meds but just keeping trying until you find someone who will offer suggestions and work within your boundaries. That said, most of the things that will improve your depression (diet, exercise, regular sleep cycles, pursuing relaxing hobbies) may be very difficult to do while depressed. That’s where medication helps – to get you to a place where you can function well enough to care or yourself. There’s no shame in taking antidepressants, it doesn’t make you weak. Just do what you need to do to feel a sense of wellbeing and enjoy your life.

    3. Hang in there mama. Pray pray pray! My husband and I have 4 kids 4 and under. Four pregnancies. It has been tough at times. But so worth it. God game is our kids for a reason. I had some depression as well when pregnant and the best advice I can give is to talk about it get help emotionally from friends or people at church and pray everyday about it. I am anti medicine also even when I’m sick I don’t swallow pills of any form at all. But the best medicine is love of people and the power of prayer. Hang in there mama. Your little girl will be here soon. Xoxo

    4. I’m sorry your dealing with this, but you really should talk to someone about what you’re feeling. Have you checked your thyroid levels? My thyroid levels were all over the place, especially after my second child was born. Pregnancy can change levels, which can also make you feel depressed.
      Also know that you’re not alone.

  8. This was truly inspirining. I have seen a few members of my family go through this and it’s been a very rough ride. This helped me see some light when there is little to see now a days. Thanks

  9. Hi Heidi
    Thank you so much for your words…this post looks like “tue Linus blanket!”
    Maybe one day I can feel well with my self and make my body a a better place for my soul!
    I follow u on Instagram!
    Kisses from Italy
    Irene

  10. Thank you very much, Heidi. You can’t figure out how your words really help me and support me as I make my was through this. It’s been hard to admit to myself I’m bulimic. My family still refuses to accept it and still denies. However, being conscious myself means so much. I’m more self-indulgent; I’m human, so I can let go a bit sometimes. I’m strong, so I’ll get through it. It’s hard and there’s still along way to go. But I know I’ll succeed to do this one day, step by step, as every step ahead is precious, I’ll never give up. Love from Italy.

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